364 days ago I started this blog in the hopes that I could bring some knowledge, first hand experience, and peace to those who are grieving. As what I have deemed myself as a “professional griever” my hope is that those goals have been achieved. This week, those of us who are missing our mothers, are missing our children, have an estranged relationship with their mother or child, or long to be a mother have dreaded today. Mother’s Day has come again, as it does every year, on this second Sunday of May.
This morning, I woke up with a cold. I had been feeling the throat tickle most of the week and had a slight cough but wrote it off as allergies that everyone has been suffering with in our crazy Dallas weather we’ve had this week. This morning, there was a major need for a box of tissues and extra medicine. My first thought was, “Oh how fitting.” I already had anticipated my feelings being sick today, but my body had decided it was going to be sick too.
I’ve had several Mother’s Day conversations this week with various people mostly about how much this day stinks for some of us. I also participated in a post from “The Dinner Party” organization called “The Mother of All Holidays” to share my thoughts about the holiday. But, today I did find joy in having breakfast with a one of my best friends who also gets it. She and I are always able to trade stories and thoughts as we eat our feelings. As many tissues and napkins as I went through during our breakfast, I felt a little better. When my husband got home from working out, we made our annual trek to the cemetery 30 minutes away. We were able just to be and listen to a trust worthy playlist as he and I had a short visit with Mom at the cemetery.
I was then shocked to have my book club girls ask me what my favorite memory of my mom was after I wished our two group mom’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I had a chance to think about my answer on our drive home, and this what I told them.
“Ok typical Mom and Bryna story. We were definitely Lucy and Ethel. So high school graduation- my family came in town for a week. Since they were here for a week, they bought groceries and they eat much healthier than my mom and I did. So when they left we looked at each other and said it was time for Chick Fil A. So we get in the car as a Texas sized storm was about to roll through. That didn’t stop us as we drove over the speed limit to Chick Fil A. While we’re waiting for our food, a cop comes in and says a tornado may be coming up the road. My mom was like nope we’re going home. So we sped all the way home in the pouring ran with our food in hand and then ran into the house without locking the car as the storm sirens were going off. We ate our chicken nuggets, side salads, and of course French fries in the downstairs bathroom and hall area on a towel watching both our kitchen and living room TV on different two different news stations. We were perfectly happy having our little floor picnic with our fried food after a week of health!”
They loved the story, and as I got their responses I felt a little better. After that, I worked on a project for my husband which I always enjoy doing because most of the time, it involves some sort of sorting and organizing which is my jam. I felt a little better. Now as I’m writing, we’re waiting on my husband’s parents to go eat at one of our favorite places. I have rallied through my cold to put a brush through my hair, put on a sundress and have even managed to put makeup on. I’m feeling a little better. My heart is still tender, just like my nose from blowing it so much today, but through small acts of listening today I am feeling a little better.
To all of you who are hurting today, my thoughts are with you. I hope that you are taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to make today a little bit easier. I hope there are people you can talk to, yummy treats to eat, and that you have a safe place to be able to feel when you need it.
To my own mom. Today is hard. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t miss you or think about you, but today is worse than others. You were the strongest person that I have ever met and your strength is something I still admire even today. I miss your pep, I miss your big smile, I miss your hugs and I miss the funny memories we would make together. Thank you for being my Lucy, my partner in crime, my hero, and my biggest supporter. I am happy to be your mini-me, now and always.
To all of the mothers and women who have helped those of us motherless children, we thank you. I know that I as well as some of my friends have people in our lives who have helped to fill the void, and you are appreciated more than you know. To my surrogate mothers, you are so appreciated. I thank God daily for the women he has put in my life to help when I need some motherly advice.
To all of you have been reading over the last year, I thank you, too. I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you and I hope that our community can keep growing. May you all be walking with grief with more peace and hope that we were before this journey began. Happy Sunday, everyone.