November 1st is one of those days that is a day of mixed emotions. On one hand, Merry Christmas! Halloween is over and those of you that know me personally know that my Christmas decor is going up this weekend and it brings me GREAT joy. On the other hand, November 1st starts all the replays and flash backs of the anticipation of the hardest season of the year for my grief. That big, green, spiky monster that lives inside me and makes its presence more known at this time every year. On November 1st, I start to replay all the memories leading up to my mom’s death that happened on November 14th in 2010. Then from there we go to my parent’s wedding anniversary on the 19th. Then we head to Thanksgiving, followed by my dad’s birthday on December 5th. Then I get a bit of a reprieve before we get to Christmas but that is quickly followed by my mom’s birthday on December 28th. Honestly, the disrespect these two had to get married when they had birthdays in the same month, so one day their future child would have so many grief feelings all in the same month. AND for that month to be December. I mean truly, the planning of these two…so rude. Also, to die before their kid was 20…also so rude.
In the weeks leading up to November 1st, my body starts to feel the stress. My body starts to feel more wonky than normal. Again, if you know me you know my body typically hates me, but starting at the end of October, things start to feel different. The stomach aches and headaches start to creep up more often than normal. I start to feel more fatigued, more on edge, and my tolerance threshold for things I can typically handle is lower. I love and dread these going into these last two “-ber” months.
So what do I do? For starters, I am very lucky to have a supportive group of humans around me, my husband at the very top of the list. I was feeling awful a week ago and he said, “Well, we are getting to the time that everything just sucks, could that be part of it?” He understands that everything feels harder, especially as October ends and November starts. I try to spend time with those that make me feel love, but who also understand that I may not be my best self. There are a lot of couch movie nights with yummy snacks and movies and shows that we have watched a billion times.
I also make sure I’m putting good fuel in my body with a balance of nutrients and things that just make me happy. Food is, as always, a balance of veggies with lunch and tootsie rolls for dessert. So, the house is already packed with protein shakes for days I don’t want to make my usual breakfast, supplies for PBJ sandwiches for lunch, easy frozen dinners, along with tootsie rolls, and ice cream. I try to make food options easy so I don’t have to stress about too much cooking but my body is still fueled. I still try to meal prep and cook my “normal” options but sometimes on Sundays and at night I just need to get in bed because I am done.
This time of year is also packed with comfort shows and movies. As of Tuesday, we have already started our fall rewatch of “The West Wing”. We will probably finish that by Thanksgiving week in which we will switch to all of our nostalgic Christmas movies. During the day when I am at home the next couple weeks, I imagine there will probably be a 23rd rewatch of Schitt’s Creek because the Rose family are my friends!
When I am not watching comfort shows, stress cleaning, or working, I do try to get outside. I am grateful for our sweet pup who gets me to walk a mile every morning, and after our walk sometimes we spend more time out in the backyard. By November (most of the time), Texas is nice enough that I can do some work or read in the backyard while the dog sunbathes and the extra vitamin D can work wonders for the soul.
As it is also the holiday season as I am navigating this peak grief season, I take things one day at a time. Some years I can go all out and do all the decorations and do all of the traditions, and some years I do less because everything feels too much. There is nothing wrong with taking things day by day and things to be different from year to year. This year, my decorations will be going up this weekend because the lights and the festive colors bring us joy and right now I have the energy to get it all up and done! So, we are getting it done!
With all of this being said, everyone handles their grief differently. This is also my 14th year of navigating this marathon of a grief season. It is not perfected, but it is something I have gotten used to managing. It is not a perfect system, but I do try to take things one day at a time with grace for myself (and others) when needed. When I feel myself starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or sad, I take a break from life by changing my environment, going for a walk, watching a show, or just moving around in the house. I try to keep my routines as much as possible because that stability is helpful, but I am flexible when I need to be. I also have routines built around the actual grief days and they include breakfast tacos because breakfast tacos make things better.
If you or someone you love is navigating a lot of grief in these last two “-ber” months, I hope you know that you are not alone. There are groups and people you can reach out to for support in your area and virtually. No one has to navigate this season alone. If you are supporting someone who is grieving, be patient and listen. Offer specific support like snacks or help with household tasks or couch time with movies and snacks. If you would like to learn more about helping others throughout the holiday season, you can sign up for my workshop on November 8th on Zoom at 10 am CST.
Register here: https://www.eventcreate.com/e/holiday-grief