As we go through our life, it is normal to have people in our families die. People will get old, they will suffer illnesses, they will die in accidents, our families are constantly changing. Everything around us is constantly changing. So why is it that we hate change?
Over the past couple years, my family has experienced several deaths of our most senior family members. To me, they were a Great Aunt, Great Uncle, and some loving cousins. Each of these losses impacted me in a way I did not expect and it had me really thinking about how much I hate change. I spent the weeks of their deaths thinking about the family that was. The family that I grew up around and what we used to do. It made me nostalgic for the times in the past that seemed to be simpler even though I know in reality they weren’t. I finally got to go to one of the funerals this past February as the world between just life and COVID had not allowed me to attend some of the others in the last few years. It was surreal the feelings that I had heading “home” to St. Louis. To be excited to see family, but also feeling so sad to continue to watch parts of this family that was disappear.
While growing up, I spent a lot of time with my family in St. Louis. My parents and I lived in Dallas and my grandparents lived in St. Louis, but my Granddad was fighting cancer the year I was born. This meant my mom and I would spend at least a week every month of my first year of life in St. Louis as my mom was spending time with and caring for her ailing father. After my Granddad died, just before my first birthday, my mom and I still continued to spend a significant amount of time in St. Louis until I started Kindergarten. Even then, we were there almost every holiday to spend time with family. Being with my large extended family had been a significant part of my life and so over the last few years, it’s been hard to come to terms that the family is changing.
I think one of rough patches of road we experience on our life long grief journey is the fact that we have to face and accept so much of these changes. While we’re happy when our family changes because of new additions through marriage or children, we have to face the reality of people leaving our families. Things don’t stay the same, they change on a daily basis. I have found that taking time to enjoy the small family time moments, soaking up the minutes and seconds with your loved ones are a wonderful way of honoring our families in the present. This past trip to St. Louis I was able to take small moments with family members who had gathered to say goodbye to a wonderful man and tried to soak up each conversation, each memory they wanted to share, each bit of laughter and joy amongst the sorrow. We honor our family that was by continuing to allow it to grow and change by taking each lesson, each story, each piece of the people we knew and taking them forward with us as we forge ahead creating our new family that will continue to constantly change.